By Lee Baas, PhD, Psychologist
Does your attitude really make a difference in your health? Earlier this year, I worked with a couple in Africa. They struggled with life. Their marriage was not much more than two struggling people living in the same house and being the parents of the same children. They were afraid of what each new day would bring, and they were happy when the day was over. They really didn’t know if they would survive. Nothing was working for them.
They were both depressed.
In the morning when her alarm clock went off, she felt like pulling the blankets over her head and going back to sleep (If any of you struggle with depression, you know what I am talking about).
He said that he was suffering from burnout. While I do not want to negate the problem of burn-out, I must add that many men that I see who complain about suffering from burn-out, really are fighting with depression. Depression in men does take on a little different character, so we don’t hang the depression tag over their neck.
Their children were sick much of the time with a variety of illnesses. Headaches, intestinal, and stomach problems were daily complaints. They didn’t like where they were, didn’t like what they were doing, and didn’t like each other.
As I listened to this couple and encouraged them to express and own their feelings, we discovered that both of them had developed extremely negative attitudes toward their work, the people they were working with, and their children. They were also growing more negative toward their own ability to do anything meaningful.
Although this couple was working overseas as missionaries and should have been looking for a way to help their community, they could not see anything positive about their community.
This couple and their children had become an island. They were strangers to those in their community and were becoming strangers to each other in their home. They needed help outside of themselves.
They had expected that they could resolve all of the issues relating to their life of struggles by themselves. They forgot that their Christian beliefs demanded that they not only look up, but also that they see the needs of others. Their world was getting so small.
When we don’t include others, our own struggles seem so much greater. When we listen to others, we encourage ourselves.
It was time for a turn-around. I challenged them to re-think their Christian commitment. Did God want them to live the way they were living with the attitude they shared? Did they expect that God would help them make changes if they made a commitment to change?
I worked with both of them individually to reach back and grasp abilities that they knew they had but had forgotten about. We found dormant abilities and interests that triggered a desire to try something new. Together we discovered ways in which they could incorporate some of these interests into their daily work schedule. Previously, they believed that there was hardly time for them to breathe in their busy, rushed, negative world, now we found that they could even take time to explore a hobby.
Within a few days, their children asked them what was happening to them. Mom was getting breakfast ready without complaining about their talking so much, about her short night, or that she had so much to do.
Dad listened to them and even, sometimes, sat with them for breakfast, rather than grabbing his coffee and running off to work. Yes, it took time to change, but even a small attitude change was evident right away.
Their change in attitude made a big difference in their health. Mom and Dad became more aware of their own negativism and moved consciously toward a more positive approach to all matters of life. They were able to rationally look at their own emotional make-up and needs. We were able to put into place life style changes that helped them in dealing with their depression and burn out. Their change of attitude made an almost immediate change in the attitude of their children.
When I first began my work with them, they said that they would be leaving at the end of the year because it was an unhealthy climate for their family. With the change of attitude, health issues have become minimal. They have gained friends in the community and are considering continuing their work in that community.
Are you an optimist or a pessimist? Explore the world (including people) around you. We often focus on the negatives, and there are many, but let’s take a breath of fresh air and see more of the positive things happening to our world, our community, and our family. It will make a positive difference in our attitude — and our health.
In a later issue, I will write about “Your health — Your anger.”
Lee Baas is President of WITS (Walking In Their Shoes) International. They provide free, supportive psychological services on-site to those who are doing humanitarian service internationally. For more information, www.witsinternational.com.