By Bonnie Harken, NCLC, Crossroads Programs for Women
Positive psychology addresses important questions about how we lead our lives, find happiness and satisfaction, and deal with life’s challenges. Over the past decade researchers and practitioners from around the world have studied happiness and well-being and a variety of techniques and practices have evolved that offer more than simply some relief from depression, anxiety, and stress. These are proven ways to be more positive and joyful in life with long-term and significant benefits.
We have a choice at every moment; we don’t have a choice about what happens but we do have a choice about what we are going to do about it. Depressive thoughts are magnets for other depressive thoughts. It takes three positive feelings to overcome a negative thought. So how do we begin to transform our negative thoughts into positive thoughts and feelings?
Gratitude has the power to walk time. Yesterday was yesterday. Our memory is an image that comes from the original so when we look at it and highlight the good it changes the memory. It doesn’t distort it but rather it highlights it.
How do we begin to look at every day with a sense of gratitude? Try ending each day by writing a few lines of gratitude. Here are some ideas to help you get started.
Gratitude Journal Plan
First of all, as you start, rate your day on a scale from -5 to + 5. — Then write a few lines about the following:
My Progresses & Successes Today — 3 things you have had successes or made progress with. ESSENTIAL: Lower your standards until you find 3 things!
Pat Yourself on the Back — What did you do today that required courage. What positive choice did you make consistent with who you want to become? However small, write it down.
What have You Learned? — What did you learn about yourself today. What inspired you?
Goals or Intentions — What actions, thoughts or steps did you take today that move you towards your goals or intentions?
Gratitude & Appreciation — Three things you are grateful for or appreciated today. ESSENTIAL: Lower your standards until you find three things!
Where do I need to be kinder to myself? — Where could you have been kinder to yourself – and therefore happier & more productive?
Looking after You! — What did I do today just for me?
How was my day? — (This is your gut-feel score from +5 to -5 that represents how your day went now you that you have reviewed your day with a more positive mindset!) The score for my day as I complete this journal is:
What is the difference in your scores from start to finish (if any)?
What else do I want to make note of here? — Anything else you may want to record, things you notice as you have reflected, things you may want to do differently tomorrow, etc.
Daniel Kahneman is a Nobel Prize winning psychologist studying how people chose to be happy. He has proposed that humans have two versions of themselves: the experiential self and the remembering self. Though our remembering selves tend to dominate, there can be great benefits in nurturing our experiential self, for recognizing and appreciating the many moments that make up a day. By Kahneman’s calculation, a moment is about three seconds. Given that our lives are nothing more than a string of moments coming one after another, the average person has about 20,000 moments in the course of a day. Think back on your day yesterday. How many of your 20,000 moments do you remember? Odds are, it’s not very many. We tend to rush through our lives without thinking.
An “attitude of gratitude” may be a cliché that some automatically disregard. But I have watched clients keep a gratitude journal for 30 days and witnessed the difference it makes in how they frame their thinking. Positive psychology teaches that there are three magic bullets for depression: gratitude, meditation, and exercise. For severe depression, these are valuable enhancements to traditional therapy and medication. The first few days it may be difficult to answer all the questions in the Gratitude Journal Plan but with each passing day, it gets easier as you begin to replace your negative thoughts with thoughts of gratitude. After all, 20,000 moments each day equals 20,000 opportunities!
Bonnie Harken NCLC, Founder and CEO, of Crossroads Programs for Women has spent the last 30 years assisting individuals begin their journey of healing. Look for upcoming programs at Crossroads Programs for Women. Begin your journey of finding renewal, hope, joy, direction, and passion. Each program is a blend of lectures, group discussion, and therapeutic exercises offering a healing curriculum. We explore the spiritual components of healing from a non-denominational Christian perspective. Why continue to struggle? Tomorrow does not have to be like today. We can help you. Visit www.crossroadsprogramsforwomen.com or call 1-800-348-0937.
Sources available upon request