By Bonnie Harken, NCLC
Advertising is a $200 billion a year industry. Ads sell a great deal more than products. They sell values, images, concepts of success and worth, love and sexuality, popularity and normalcy. They tell us who we are and who we should be.
A few years ago, I saw an advertisement for makeup. The picture of the model was compelling and beautiful, and the copy was very convincing. I made a mental note to purchase that makeup. At a conference I attended, the keynote speaker, Dr. Jean Kilbourne, was addressing the media’s influence on the objectification of women. Her presentation included advertisements currently running in magazines and pointing out the “hidden messages” in them. Imagine my shock when that makeup advertisement was put up on the huge screen. She explained that the reader profile of that magazine was women between 25 to 45 years old. But then came the shocker: the model for the advertisement was a five-year-old girl in full professional makeup to make her look like a young woman! So the skin on the model that I so admired was actually the skin of a five year old! I had totally “bought” it and wanted to have skin like her.
An unrealistic measure of beauty destroys the self-esteem of many wonderful women. I have seen how women unfairly measure themselves against unrealistic ideals and how it contributes to dissatisfaction, unhappiness, and limits their potential.
The average American woman wears a size 14; the average model is a size 0-2. And, if that difference is not enough to make us dissatisfied with how we look in the clothing that looked so great on the model, most of the magazine photos are now “photoshopped” to make the thin models even thinner. Many of the models are 12 or 13 years old. By 17 years old, most are considered “too old” to be a model in the more elite magazines and runways.
So what’s the cost of poor self-esteem? It affects our emotions, our thoughts, and our behaviors. Emotions can include anger, guilt, shame, disappointment, discouragement, hurt, fear, anxiety, depression and loneliness. Thoughts can include, “I’m a failure; it’s my fault; I’m so stupid” and, the list goes on. Behaviors may include anger, isolation, passivity, avoidance of situations (i.e., avoiding an opportunity for fun because of having to wear a swimsuit), lying, dishonesty, neglect, self-abuse, co-dependence, boredom, and in some cases, promiscuity.
Here are 10 things that help you build your self-esteem:
- Stop comparing yourself to others. Focus, instead, on being the best “you” that you can be.
- Compliment yourself regularly. Look in the mirror and compliment yourself; it’s hard at first, but with practice you can do it!
- Exercise consistently. Improving your physical health may give you a sense of empowerment that can directly enhance your self-esteem.
- Smile! The mere act of smiling changes blood flow to the brain and actually makes you feel happier and relieve tension.
- Focus on your accomplishments. Forgive yourself for your mistakes.
- Make a written list of your positive qualities such as kindness, patience, generosity, and others. Return to the list as often as needed to boost your self-esteem.
- Find something special in each day. Do something pleasant and rewarding like a walk, an indulgent bubble bath, or another simple pleasure. Don’t neglect your self-care and keep a gratitude journal.
- Eat healthier foods. Nutrition is an important part of feeling healthy!
- Explore a passion. Whether it’s a hobby, a side job, or volunteering, pursuing your passions can lead to a sense of purpose and increase your feelings of happiness and your quality of life.
- Get the support you need to succeed.
My purpose in writing this article is to encourage you to be discerning when you look at advertising or compare yourself to other women. Begin your journey of finding renewal, hope, joy, direction and passion. It’s called finding the real me. God made you an original, stop trying to be a copy.
Bonnie Harken NCLC, Founder and CEO of Crossroads Programs for Women has spent the last 30 years assisting women in beginning their journey of healing. Look for upcoming programs at Crossroads Programs for Women. Begin your journey of finding renewal, hope, joy, direction and passion. Each program is a blend of lectures, group discussion, and therapeutic exercises offering a healing curriculum. We explore the spiritual components of healing from a non- denominational Christian perspective. Why continue to struggle? Tomorrow does not have to be like today. We can help you. Visit www.crossroadsprogramsforwomen.com or call 800-348-0937.
Photo credit: Juanmonino/iStock