Submitted by Kate Holland, LCPC, John R. Day & Associates, Christian Psychological Ass
This article is a candid discussion of the book series, movie, and sex, in general.
As adults, we should be able to discuss sex openly and honestly, without squirming and giggling like immature junior highers. Sex is not meant to be taboo, but has become perverted. God created sex for pleasure and procreation between husband and wife. The adversary, or Satan, is the one who has perverted it to be something it was never intended, most recently and intensely in the book series and movie, 50 Shades of Grey. I believe it is my responsibility as a therapist to assist individuals and couples in dispelling myths about sex as a means to restore and reclaim a healthy view of in their sex lives.
Some of the prominent issues we address in the counseling setting include sexual immorality in the forms of sexual addiction to pornography and infidelity, just to name a few perversions of sex. The worst perversion I have seen thus far, though, is the sensationalization and glorification of sex in the subject book/movie. Most of the everyday population is aware of the basic gist of the movie.
Christian Grey, a successful, wealthy, handsome businessman is always in pursuit of women willing to agree to a contractual subordinate/dominate sexual relationship. In a subordinate/dominant sexual relationship, one member takes on the dominant, or domineering controlling role, while the other is willing to submit to said control.
I will be the first to encourage clients to keep things “spicy” in their sex lives and be open to a variety of means to do so, including toys, role-play, etc., as long as both parties are agreeable to and comfortable with the spice. What I do not encourage is a relationship in which one party is working out their past abuse issues by projecting that abuse onto their partner, which is basically the background story of the book/movie. We learn that Christian, as a minor, had been in a subordinate/dominant relationship for three-plus years with one of his mother’s friends, far older than him, unbeknownst to her. By legal definition, it was rape. As a result, he developed a very twisted perception of sex and love, and he now seeks out women (who I would call victims, even if willing participants) upon whom to “work out” his violent sexual acts through the use of whips and chains in a room called the “red room,” which is basically a torture chamber. For those of you who have cozied up with a blanket and bon bons, reading romance novels, finding this a touch more exciting, please be aware: this is not a romance novel. This is sexual abuse at its worst, under the guise of the ideal man, on paper, minus his baggage.
I’ll he honest. I began to read some of the first book and watched the movie for the sake of knowledge to better understand what all the buzz was about surrounding this trend. I was appalled because it was so sensationalized as something sexy and sensual. This movie takes one of the deepest wounds, sexual abuse, for many of my clients, and turns into something to be desired. While some women would admit to wanting to be taken sexually by a handsome, successful businessman, I don’t think any of them would desire to be emotionally, physically, and sexually abused by him. What if his character had not been handsome and successful, but a bum off the street? Then, we would cry, “Rape! Lock him up!”
I would challenge you to reconsider how Hollywood and secular society define “healthy sexuality.” It is far different from Biblical teaching, and in this case, it is abuse. There are some areas for which there is no gray.
For more information or to book an appointment, contact John R. Day & Associates, Christian Psychological Associates, located at 3716 West Brighton Ave., Peoria, or their additional locations in Normal, Canton, Pekin, Princeton, or Eureka. Call us at
309-692-7755 or visit us online at www.christianpsychological.org.