By Audrey Campbell, LCSW, True North Solutions
Being in a relationship is hard sometimes. Trying to balance personal needs with a partner’s needs while trying to work together to meet life’s other demands can feel nearly impossible. Many couples often wonder if they are really normal or healthy. In my work as a family therapist, there has been no particular type of couple who seem to seek out counseling more than another. While many of us share similar complaints about our relationships, most couples also echo their quest to improve their relationship. Here are ten habits that can help any couple improve the overall health of their relationship:
- Respectful communication: Ask for what you want, instead of what you don’t want. Make eye contact when speaking to one another. Avoid sulking, pouting, demanding, controlling, and passive aggressive communication styles. Respectful communication has two parts: listening attentively when your partner is speaking and replying in an effective manner.
- Show sincere appreciation: It doesn’t take much to show your partner that they are the most important person in your world. It’s important to show appreciation on a regular basis, not just on special occasions. This doesn’t have to be time-consuming or costly: sneak a loving note into your partner’s wallet, send a thoughtful text, or simply tell them how much you appreciate them.
- Trust one another: Trust is a cornerstone of a healthy relationship. If you send your partner to the store, have faith that they will return with the items on your list. If you see a suspicious text or email, believe that your partner had the best of intentions. If you want to have trust in your relationship, reciprocate by being trustworthy. Tell the truth, be reliable, and follow through when you make a commitment. If your relationship lacks trust, seek to improve in this area.
- Make an effort with your partner’s family: Before your relationship, your partner likely shared unconditional love with members of their family. A little effort goes a long way to establish your own relationship with the special people in your partner’s life.
- Take an interest in one another’s activities: You don’t have to pick up a club if your partner is an avid golfer, but you would do well to participate in a conversation about the topic.
- Be forgiving: Allow your partner to make mistakes. Show grace and humility when your partner apologizes. Forgiveness is empowering — and goes hand in hand with trust.
- Make important decisions together: Too often, couples fight about money, particularly surrounding big purchases. This can be reduced or even prevented by agreeing to make big decisions together. This reinforces the dynamic of a partnership, and prevents one person from being “in charge.”
- Share a bed: There seems to be more overall satisfaction in relationships of individuals who share a bed. Couples may let this go for what they feel is a logical reason (he snores, she tosses and turns), yet the outcome remains that they feel disconnected. Going to bed at the same time, though not a requirement, gives way to the intimacy that is necessary for a healthy sex life.
- Fight fair: View arguments as an opportunity to repair a disagreement, not as a battlefield. Fight to fix the disagreement, not to win.
- Put one another first: Many times, I see couples who feel they come second to the children, their spouse’s job, or even their smartphone! I remind couples that there wouldn’t be children if there hadn’t been a couple first. It’s important to feel like a priority in a relationship. Smartphone misuse comes up regularly in couples counseling. Always choose human interaction over your phone, and maintain awareness regarding the frequency of your smartphone use. Look up from your phone — or better yet, put it down — when your partner seeks conversation.
Developing healthy relationship skills can be challenging, but it can also be a fun and positive thing you can do for your partnership. A skilled counselor can be neutral, facilitate good communication, stay positively focused, and help find solutions.
If you are interested in couples counseling or seeking more information, please visit our website at www.truenorthsolutions.org or call 309-589-1011.
Audrey Campbell is a licensed clinical social worker at True North Solutions. She provides a variety of counseling services including marital and relationship issues.
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