By Paul Schellenberg, LLC, MA, LCPC
I remember when I was a kid, I loved summer until the dreaded “back-to-school sales” started, and this reminded me that my summer was almost over. I used to close my eyes to avoid the back-to-school sale signs when I was in stores. The stress of going back to school was anxiety provoking. One aspect that I didn’t think about is how going back to school affected my parents. Now as an adult, I can see that the back-to-school stress is not limited to the person returning to school. Each year a child goes back to school, it means one less year of childhood. This may excite the child, who wants to grow up quickly, but for mom and dad this can be an anxiety trigger.
Anxiety comes with all life transitions. One life transition that does not get the attention it deserves is when a parent sees their child growing older and becoming independent. It is difficult for a parent to watch their child start their first day of kindergarten, jr. high, high school, and especially college. I have observed that kindergarten and college are the two most anxiety-provoking transitions for a parent.
So, how does a parent deal with this kind of life transition? It’s a difficult place to be as you cannot talk to your child about it because they will not understand. Other people will tell you that “they have to grow up sometime.” The way to deal with this type of parental stress is to understand grief. The underlining principle of grief is “when there is change there is loss, and when there is loss there is grief.” The best way for a parent to deal with the stresses of school and the life transitions their children are going through is to understand that this is a grief cycle. Grief can cause anxiety, depression, and regret due to gains and losses from the transition.
I encourage all parents who are struggling with their child starting a new phase in life to understand how to fight the anxiety. To fight the anxiety, you must heal from the grief cycle. To heal from the grief cycle, a parent must understand that their feelings are valid and natural. I strongly stress to the people I work with to accept these feelings and deal with them. Do not pretend they are not there. Grief doesn’t go away without healing. If the grief doesn’t go away, then the anxiety will only get worse.
I encourage mothers and fathers who are struggling with this issue to seek professional help. A professional can help you analyze the grief and combat the anxiety. Life transition stress is not just a student’s issue but a parent’s issue as well.
Paul Schellenberg is a licensed clinical professional counselor. He specializes in sports and student anxiety, trauma and mood disorders, emotional barriers, coping skills, depression. He works with both children and adults. For more information, please visit www.pschellenberg.com, or call 309-696-0267.