By Liz Pollack, MS, ACPEC, Pet Loss Grief Counselor
Having a pet is often “good medicine” for the elderly. These companions provide attention, a sense of purpose, and a consistent schedule. They can pull the elderly out of self-pity, and provide comfort when they experience losses. When they lose physical strength, long-time friends, and independence, it is often the bond with their pet that keeps them moving forward on a daily basis.
But, what happens when that constant companion is lost? How do we help our elderly friends, parents, and other relatives deal with the loss of a beloved pet? How do we help them through the intense grief they are experiencing? Their pet may be the only family an older person has, and when the pet dies, there is no family left. With the loss of their pet they no longer feel needed. They lose their companion. They have no one to talk to, sleep with, or take care of, and no one to make them feel important and useful. The home becomes too empty, too quiet, and too lonely. There is no incentive to keep going, and no daily routine to give their life structure.
It’s not just the death of a pet that can cause grief for the elderly. A senior may have to give up their companion animal due to his or her own physical, health-related, or financial limitations. They may have to surrender their pet to a shelter or family in order to move into assisted living facilities or nursing homes.
Regardless of the cause, it is imperative that we understand and acknowledge the significance of the loss. While we have jobs, families, etc. that still require our attention, the senior has a great deal of time to ruminate on the loss. As with children, it is imperative that we not negate their feelings. Phrases like, “He was a lot of work,” or “It’s just a cat,” can end up making the senior feel more alone and misunderstood. In essence, we fail at being sensitive to our senior’s needs and challenges.
Friends and family members can help by being patient, and by listening, so the elderly person can talk honestly and openly about his or her loss. Memorializing the pet by purchasing a Pet Urn or clay paw print they can keep nearby could also be extremely helpful. You may even encourage the management of the facility to start a pet loss grief group. Another possibility is to volunteer at a local shelter as a family. This allows the senior to feel useful but also to have time with you. In some cases, helping the senior to adopt a cat or dog through PFS Shelter’s Pet’s for Seniors could also be an option, since they match older animals with older people.
Regardless of the reason for an elderly person to lose their pet, the key to helping them grieve is to listen, help minimize change in their lives, and help them find a way to be needed on a daily basis.
For more information or to make a counseling appointment, contact Liz at 309-370-4492 or e-mail her at legup@mtco.com. Liz Pollack, MS, ACPEC, is a Certified Coach and Pet Loss Grief Counselor and owns Leg Up Services. If you, or a loved one, are interested in the Pets for Seniors Shelter, please call: 309-336-9721.
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