By Alexander Germanis
At this time of year, it’s nearly impossible to even go grocery shopping without being assailed by aisles of Valentines, heart-adorned stuffed animals, and Pepto Bismol-pink everything. While the over-emphasis on Valentine’s Day can be nauseating, the purpose of expressing love for another is not an ignoble pursuit.
But expelling time, money, and energy entirely upon others often means neglecting someone who not only deserves similar attention, but also requires it in order to be happy, healthy, and even harmonious with others.
Learning to love yourself is a vital part of maintaining a happy, well-rounded life. Although self-love might seem no more complicated than doing what you want to do from time to time, it’s actually more complex than that.
From Ancient Days to Our Day
English can be a limited language. We tend to use the word “love” to encapsulate any and all expressions of the emotion. The ancient Greeks, however, had not one word for love but nine! Of these, the term philautia referenced a love for oneself.
The philosopher Aristotle believed self-love to be the basis of love for family, friends, and even one’s own pursuits. In other words, without a love for oneself, truly loving others is not even possible.
How does one go about showing love for oneself, though?
A good way to start is through daily meditation. Before dismissing meditation as “new age hokum,” it’s important to take note that not only has meditation been practiced in numerous cultures for millennia, modern physicians, religious leaders, scientists, and philosophers acknowledge the benefits of meditation in a daily routine.
There’s not much to meditation and that’s sort of the point. Taking a few minutes for yourself every day to relax, clear your mind, and just breathe can produce a list of positives including lowering blood pressure, anxiety levels, and stress; managing depression and pain; and helping solve problems.
Numerous Expressions
Meditation is just the tip of the iceberg when it comes to showing yourself that you truly matter. Acknowledging your own feelings through journaling is one way to do that. Take a few moments out of your day to sit down and review your thoughts and feelings about what is taking shape in your world. Journaling is a form of self-reflection and can lead you to answers for which you may have been searching. Psychiatrist Carl Jung said, “Your vision will become clear only when you can look into your own heart. Who looks outside, dreams; who looks inside, awakes.”
Taking stock of what holds meaning for you – whether its self-improvement via learning a new skill, engaging in service, or planting trees – is another form of expressing self-love. When engaged in something that positively affects you, you’ll feel a boost in your self-esteem.
Other expressions may include listening to a playlist of your favorite, uplifting music; engage in a form of exercise you enjoy; or just revel in some alone time. For me, cycling is a way I can get a good hour or two of exercise I enjoy while listening to my favorite music and be alone in nature. There are innumerable ways to show yourself that you matter.
Food can also be a fantastic form of self-love; after all, we use the term “comfort food” for a reason. There are certain meals or snacks that can elicit a positive emotional response as well as physical. Dark chocolate, honey, walnuts, blueberries, red peppers, salmon, avocado, eggs, and coconuts all contain healthy vitamins and minerals while also improving mood. This is not the definitive list, however. Pay attention to how certain foods make you feel – not just during the consumption of them, but afterward as well.
No is Not Always Negative
Although it’s one of the first words we learn as toddlers, as we journey through adulthood many of us start believing the word “no” to be tantamount to a swear. This should not always be the case. There are certainly times when someone else’s demands might do more harm than good.
Sharing your time, talents, and energy with others is not, in and of itself, a bad thing. But there are probably individuals in your life that take advantage of what you have to offer rather than show appreciation for it.
Setting boundaries and allowing yourself to say, “No thank you,” (it pays to be polite) may actually earn you the respect of others. One of the best quotes from the TV series “Friends,” came from its very first episode. When the character Phoebe is asked if she’d like to help put together one of her friend’s furniture, she says, “I wish I could, but I don’t want to.”
Another “no” is exemplified by not comparing yourself to others. The more you do that, the lower you will feel and the less accomplished. Comparisons can be poisonous.
I express this, however, with a personal caveat: It is okay to compare yourself to the you of the past. When making that comparison, explore how much you’ve grown, what you’ve learned, and how you’ve improved. When my parents marked my height on the doorframe, the comparison was always meant to show me how much I had grown, not how much taller my siblings were in comparison to me. Measure yourself by your own personal metric.
A Two-Edged Sword
Like the Internet, self-love has the potential for both good and evil. It all depends on how one wields it.
Psychiatrist Maytal Eyal explains, “When self-love becomes entangled with self-absorption and materialism, serious consequences emerge for our collective mental health. Studies show that too much focus on oneself is associated with anxiety and depression.”
Speaking of the Internet, it’s ridiculously easy to find examples of how self-love has been twisted and overfed by many into narcissism. As American humorist Emily Levine said, “I thought narcissism was about self-love till someone told me there is a flip side to it… It is unrequited self-love.”
Self-love must not only be tempered by healthy introspection, but it must also be kept in balance by a love of others.
A Foundational Love
As mentioned before, Aristotle believed philautia, self-love, to be the basis of the love we feel for others. Indeed, the second great commandment Jesus Christ gives in Matthew 22:39 is “Thou shalt love thy neighbor as thyself.”
Again, it is only possible to love others if we first love ourselves. This extends to the Golden Rule also taught by Christ. That is, to treat others as we wish to be treated ourselves.
Loving yourself and loving others as yourself will lead to a love of simply living life. Even when the inevitable storms of life move overhead, a firm foundational love will help you weather those storms.
Furthermore, a strong sense of self-worth will lead to healthy choices when it comes to eating, exercise, personal relationships, and even careers. In short, self-love is the first step toward living a healthy life.
After February 14th, those Pepto Bismol plushies and assorted chocolates will always end up relegated to a clearance aisle, to be all but forgotten until next year’s Valentine’s season. But maintaining a focus on your nutritional, emotional, and physical health should always be in season.
