By Luke Dalfiume, PhD, Licensed Clinical Psychologist, Co-Owner, John R. Day & Associates, Christian Psychological Associates
Many of us will develop goals in the new year. By the end of January, or maybe February, most of us will have given up on those goals.
Why do we fail?
One reason is that many of us lack a sense of integrated purpose. We have solitary goals (e.g., to lose 20 pounds, read 20 books), but they are “pasted on,” and not integrated into our larger sense of who we are and who we want to be. As a result of this lack of connection to ourselves and life structure, we fail.
If we are to really lose 20 pounds, for example (this is a personal goal!), then we have to do this within the larger context of our lives: we need to understand why we eat too much and what kinds of changes we need to make to our life structure to succeed. So, for example, if we work too much and feel too stressed, we are not likely to lose weight and keep it off unless we find a way to work less and experience less stress in addition to the obvious factor of eating less.
A goal of reading 20 books this year is unlikely to be achieved, despite the stack of 20 books next to the bed, unless we make changes to our life structure to allow the time to read those books, and unless we understand the motivation for reading those books. If we want to feel smart, we need to find books that help us feel smart. If we want to be entertained, we need to find books that help us feel entertained. If we discover during our self-examination that we really wish to escape from the world through books, then maybe we really need to seek to connect with other people, instead of reading 20 books.
Once a clear sense of integrated purpose has been established, which is the key to achieving our goals, it is still important to behave with intention to achieve goals. Losing weight or reading books will not just happen simply because we want them to and we understand how, within our life structure, we can make it happen. Integrated purpose is essential preparation, but intention is then the engine that will lead us to our goals. I want to lose 20 pounds. I have a plan to work less and otherwise experience less stress. I also know how I need to eat. However, I will not lose the 20 pounds until I actually do those things.
This all sounds very simple, but it has been my personal and clinical experience that failures to develop integrated purpose or to exercise intention are where most people get tripped up when working toward the achievement of goals. We tend to behave in habitual ways, each day reinforcing our habitual selves from the days before.
Luke Dalfiume, PhD is a licensed clinical psychologist and co-owner of John R. Day & Associates, Christian Psychological Associates, with offices in Peoria, Normal, Canton, Pekin, Eureka, and Princeton. They can be reached online at www.christianpsychological.org.
Since 1974, John R. Day & Associates, Christian Psychological Associates provides quality care for the whole person. They work with area physicians, attorneys, court services, and pastors to bring healing to the lives of children, adolescents, and adults. They have six locations throughout Central Illinois: Peoria, Normal, Eureka, Princeton, Canton, and Pekin. They can be reached at 309-692-7755 or by visiting www.christianpsychological.org.