By Liz Pollack, MS, ACPEC
No one is immune to emotional pain and suffering. I wish we all were. But life brings both happy and difficult times. Sometimes we experience loneliness, anger, bitterness, guilt, and resentment. Sometimes we hold onto anger and negativity longer than we should or even need to. In truth, it is in our best interest to release the negativity about ourselves and others and cultivate forgiveness.
Why forgive? Positive Psychology research indicates that our ability to forgive offers us both emotional and physical benefits. Forgiveness in fact is associated with psychological well-being, good health, and positive relationships. Forgiving ourselves and others often leads to greater personal growth and spiritual development. If we hold on to bitterness, resentment, and anger, we can’t move forward and we tend to become stuck in a negative cycle.
Here are some ways to cultivate this forgiveness in your own life:
- We do not need to depend on others to acknowledge or apologize for what they did in order for us to forgive. We get to decide how we are going to respond. We may not have had a choice over what happened, but we do have a choice in how we think and feel about it.
- It truly is not our place to judge. We may not see other factors, challenges, or circumstances that influenced the behavior of others. We have the opportunity to empathize — to try to understand what happened from another’s point of view. The bottom line is we have to trust that all things in the end will be made right.
- Sometimes we have to give ourselves what we wish someone else would give us. We have to be our own best friend and nurture ourselves. We have to be compassionate and forgive ourselves for sometimes making poor choices and trusting others who didn’t deserve our trust.
- We have to realize that the bitterness and resentment we feel towards those who hurt us does not harm them – it just harms us because it becomes a burden we carry and one that causes us stress and interferes with our ability to find happiness.
- We must understand that the best revenge against those who hurt us is to live a successful and happy life. Make a list of all the good things that emerged as a result of this awful experience.
- We need to remember that we all make mistakes. We have all hurt someone else unintentionally and intentionally. We have been insensitive, selfish, or unaware. In many cases, we have received forgiveness even so. We can do the same and offer this gift to others who have wronged us.
Who do you need to forgive today? Forgive someone and open your world to more happiness.
Stay tuned over the next months for many other tools and practical suggestions which you can apply in your own life today and tomorrow. Struggling with change? Need some assistance — everyone does! Liz Pollack, MS, ACPEC, is a Certified Life Coach and owns Leg Up Services. For more information, call 309-370-4492 or visit www.legupservices.com.
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