By Maggie Classen, LCSW
Everyone has heard the statistics. When an area is hard hit by economic tough times, an overall feeling of doom permeates. According to findings noted during the ChildONEurope Seminar, “reduced incomes can mean a reduction in opportunities and benefits for children as families go into social retreat and withdraw from social activities.” So, what does this mean for children growing and developing in this atmosphere? Is there a way to protect our children from this potential impending crisis? What, if anything, do we tell our children about potential or current financial crisis in the family? For parents directly affected by these events, and even those indirectly affected, these are serious questions that need to be attended to.
I believe first and foremost, we need to acknowledge that children do not live in a vacuum. Children are sponges, with radar, especially when it comes to picking up on their parents’ emotions. Most parents want to protect their children from worry and difficult times. We hope if we don’t mention it, they may not think of it. But if we don’t help them with their perspective on a given subject, they will come to their own conclusion, which may or may not be a healthy one.
We have to talk to our kids. How we do it is dependent upon their age and developmental level, but the truth is always the best. The explanation given has to be understood. For example, you can tell your five-year-old that Daddy is home right now because his old job is gone, and he is working on finding another. If household extras are becoming limited, a truthful, safe explanation for your five-year-old is that Mommy has to save money right now, so we know we will be able to have what we need. A conversation with a teenager will look slightly different, however, essentials are the same. A final piece of the puzzle when talking to our kids about any difficult topic is to make sure they know they can ask questions, and their feelings will be attended to.
At the same time we are being honest with our children, we need to remind them through actions and words that the family is still a family, and will remain so. Kids need to feel secure in the belief that they will be provided for. This may not mean eating out or having the most expensive clothing. Instead, it means having what we need.
Finally, one of the best ways to prevent a hugely negative impact on children when financial hardships occur is to take care of ourselves. As parents, we cannot allow stress and anxiety to prevent us from self-care. For example, we may not be able to afford a gym membership anymore, but we can still take walks or bike rides. We may not be able to afford expensive basketball camps, but we can enjoy free activities in the community, including being involved with a local church.
When a family faces financial hardships, it can feel overwhelming, including how to help our kids. However, the worst is not inevitable. In fact, people often look back at financially tough episodes as times when family pulled together and felt the closest. If we are honest with our children, and remind them that the family unit is still a safe, comfortable place, and continue to show through our own actions how to negotiate hard times in healthy ways, children will have the opportunity to gain resilience, and a deeper understanding of family connectedness.
If you need help, or know someone who does, call today. To find out more information, please visit www.antiochgroup.com or 309-692-6622.
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