By Mary Beth Cunningham, Therapist, Domestic Violence and Sexual Assault
On average, it takes a person at least seven attempts to successfully leave a violent intimate partner. Generally speaking, the barriers to leaving are extensive and include, but are not limited to, the lack of finances, community resources, transportation, emotional support, and safe housing options. Often, a person who is being abused has a difficult time simply disclosing the violence because they fear that they won’t be believed, that they will be blamed, and that the abuser will retaliate for the disclosure. When a victim of abuse also struggles with substance dependence, these barriers are exacerbated.
• Lack of Finances: Frequently, abusers do not allow a victim access to significant amounts of money. Whether it is the abuser earning the money, the victim earning the money, or both, many times it is the abuser who controls the finances. Anymore, it tends to take two incomes or more to make ends meet in this economy. Living on one income is difficult enough. Add to that the further expenses that accompany a dependence on a substance (or treatment for that dependence) and it becomes near impossible to leave an abuser. Friends and family who do have income to spare often will not financially assist a victim who has substance dependence because they do not want to “support the habit.” This poses an additional threat as it further isolates the victim from healthy support and pushes them back into the arms of the abuser.
• Lack of Community Resources/Safe Housing: Housing options for domestic violence survivors are scarce to begin with. For substance dependent victims, their addiction to or abuse of drugs/alcohol can hinder their eligibility for programs, shelters, and transitional housing. Additionally, there has been a drastic decrease in inpatient and outpatient treatment centers and so the ability to become and remain sober is decreased, and in turn, safe housing options again are less available.
• Lack of Transportation: In addition to the financial abuse that many victims of domestic violence suffer, oftentimes the substance dependence has lead to transportation barriers (lack of license or vehicle). For those who live in a city that provides public transportation, this can be remedied during regular bus hours (assuming the person has money for the bus). However, for victims who live in a rural area or an area without a bus, they quite literally become stuck within the home where the abuse is happening.
• Lack of Emotional Support: As mentioned previously, people have a difficult time disclosing abuse because they are fearful that people won’t believe them or that they will be blamed. When a victim has a history of substance abuse, they may also have a history with manipulating their loved ones in the past. So, addicted victims have a very logical fear that they will not be believed by their loved ones. Likewise, they may be nervous that the loved ones who do believe them will only offer a place to stay under the condition that the victim is sober. They also might hear statements like “maybe if you weren’t drunk/high, you wouldn’t be in this position.” Victim blaming is a barrier for all who are trying to flee abuse. This is especially true for victims who are also substance dependent. Leaving abuse requires an exceptional amount of emotional support. Quitting substance abuse also requires an extraordinary amount of emotional support. It is important that the person has access to support for each in order to successfully flee.
• Fear of Retribution: Abusers hold a victim’s substance dependence over their head as ammunition to make them stay. It’s easier to physically harm a person who is under the influence. It is also easier to emotionally blackmail a person into staying by threatening to tell their family, friends, and boss about the substance abuse. They also may threaten to call DCFS and to take away a victim’s children. These threats alone keep victims in the relationship.
The Center for Prevention of Abuse offers safety and support. Please contact The Center at 309-691-0551 or call the Crisis Hotline at 1-800-559-SAFE (7233). If you are in immediate danger, call 911. Visit www.centerforpreventionofabuse.org for more information.
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