Rewriting the Rules of Holiday Happiness
By Kathleen (Kat) Griffith, LCSW, Therapist at Life Balance Counseling
The perfect holiday scene is easy to picture: twinkling lights, matching pajamas, everyone smiling for the camera. What we don’t see in that photo is the exhaustion, the credit card debt, or the quiet resentment simmering behind the smiles.
Perfection sells—but it rarely shows the full picture. Joy, on the other hand, doesn’t need flawless circumstances to thrive. It lives in the small, messy, human moments that happen between expectations. Choosing joy means stepping away from the performance and toward something real.
The Pressure to Get It Right
From an early age, many of us absorb the message that holidays should look and feel a certain way. We chase the ideal—perfect gatherings, flawless meals, harmonious families—believing that if we do it all right, everyone will be happy.
But that belief isn’t generosity; it’s emotional perfectionism. It turns love into a scorecard and care into a competition. Therapists see these patterns spike every year—anxiety, depression, and addictive behaviors often surge during the holidays. When people chase a fantasy version of joy, they usually lose sight of themselves in the process.
The Cost of Perfection
Overextending—financially, emotionally, or physically—in pursuit of the “perfect” season often leads to burnout, irritability, and disconnection. The season meant to bring connection and comfort can become a pressure cooker instead.
Choosing joy means redefining success. It’s not about creating the best version of the holiday; it’s about showing up as the truest version of yourself. Presence over performance. Values over appearance.
Joy as an Active Practice
Joy isn’t something that just happens when everything finally calms down. It’s something you cultivate—moment by moment—by being open to beauty, gratitude, and emotion, even in imperfect circumstances. That openness requires boundaries, not as walls but as containers for what matters most. Setting boundaries with others—and with yourself—protects the space where joy can take root. For people pleasers, this can mean resisting the urge to overcommit, overspend, or take responsibility for everyone else’s experience.
But boundaries are only part of it. Choosing joy also means creating space to feel—the good, the hard, the uncomfortable—and trusting that you can handle it. Joy can’t exist if we’re constantly numbing, avoiding, or pretending. It grows when we allow ourselves to be human.
Putting a Plan in Place
Because the holidays often magnify old wounds and triggers, joy benefits from planning ahead. Think of it as emotional preparation—not to control the season, but to navigate it with intention.
Ask yourself:
- What situations tend to drain or trigger me?
- What supports or escape routes can I put in place before I need them?
- Who helps me feel grounded, and how can I connect with them more intentionally?
Having a plan when boundaries are tested helps you respond rather than react. It turns the holidays from something that “happens to you” into something you participate in consciously.
A Small Example
Imagine a person named Jane who has a family and young children. She felt responsible for everyone’s happiness—every meal, every gift, every mood. By mid-December, she was running on fumes and angry that no one seemed to notice how much she did.
One year, she tried something different. Each week, she committed to one thing that genuinely brought her joy and said no to one thing that didn’t. She still showed up for her family, but she stopped micromanaging every detail and gave herself permission to rest.
The season didn’t magically transform—but she did. There was more laughter, less resentment, and space for moments she’d been too exhausted to notice before.
A New Definition of Holiday Happiness
Joy doesn’t require perfection. It doesn’t mean constant cheerfulness, either. It means being present with what is—the laughter and the tears, the fullness and the fatigue—and choosing to stay open anyway.
When we let go of performing “perfect,” we make space for something truer: connection, authenticity, and the quiet, steady joy of being human together.
So this season, rewrite your rules. Let go of perfect. Choose joy—on purpose, with boundaries, and with heart.
Kathleen Griffith, LCSW, is a therapist at Life Balance Counseling who helps clients untangle patterns of perfectionism, people-pleasing, and emotional burnout. With over a decade of experience, she focuses on helping people build boundaries, resilience, and authentic joy in everyday life.
Life Balance Counseling Peoria, PLCC is located at 8801 N. University St. in Peoria. You can contact them at 309-676-0538 or visit www.lifebalancecounselingpeoria.com.