By Steven Buttice, Founder and President, Living By Your Design, Inc.
Summer always seems active with the kids. Your son needs to be taken to sporting events and your daughter to camp. Swimming is in the plans for twice a week and it seems as if you need track shoes to keep up. In addition, your mom has fallen several times and doctor says it is best to consider a retirement community, but she has a dog. How do you make this work? Life today is active, especially for women aged 45 – 55 who care for both their parents and children. These are people caught in the “sandwich generation.”
Ever since Dad went to heaven, Mom’s dog has become her main companion. When talking about a retirement community, Mom’s first question becomes: “Can I take my dog?” Mom would be crushed if she didn’t have the dog’s companionship. Several quick thoughts come to mind. First, can she take her dog? Second, she is probably lonely and may need the companionship of others.
To answer the first question: some retirement communities allow small pets; some do not. In some cases, a pet almost becomes like a child to a senior and it works well when they can stay together. Remember, retirement communities can be independent living (like an apartment); assisted living where help is available for assistance with activities such as dressing, bathing, eating, etc.; or a nursing home where more care is needed. See our blog at www.LivingByYourDesignInc.com for more questions and information on communities accepting pets.
The second issue is Mom being lonely. Depression is real and can be a substantial problem with the senior population if a plan is not implemented to ease this medical problem. Studies have shown that people do better, eat better, are more active, and simply live a better quality of life if they can take steps to lessen depression. A retirement community helps with a number of these issues. They normally serve two to three well-balanced meals daily. They usually have exercise classes and activities; they have outings, and a community of people to socialize. So, a person living in a retirement community often has better nutrition, exercise, mental activities, and socialization to help deal with the depression and actually, in many cases, increase their quality of life.
It is important to know that all communities are different and each have advantages and disadvantages. Before anyone makes a snap judgment on moving to any community, a fair amount of research should be done.
Coordinating care for children and parents simultaneously is not easy. What can individuals in the sandwich generation do to manage? It is important for members of this generation to heed three words of advice: Plan, Plan, Plan. Legal, financial, residential, mental, and physical health care elements must be addressed prior to a crisis. An individual in the sandwich generation should guide his or her parent through tough issues while being careful not to take all control away from the parent. Start talking, making suggestions and guiding parents early; do not wait for a crisis. This column was a result of questions asked on our blog. Feel free to see our blog below and communicate with us.
For more information, contact Living By Your Design, Inc., focusing on the issues of older Americans: legal, financial, free guidance for residential placement and health care issues. Call 309-285-8088 or visit our website: www.LivingByYourDesignInc.com. We are located at 809 W. Detweiller Dr., Peoria, IL 61615.
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