Family members who may not see each other very often throughout the rest of the year may have noticed changes in their parents when everyone was together during the holidays. You may have observed signs that parents aren’t doing quite as well as they would have you believe, especially if you don’t live close by and most of your communication is by phone or e-mail. Some common signs that parents may need some assistance include: weight loss or gain, difficulty walking, a house that’s unusually messy or dirty, a lack of food in the refrigerator or food that is spoiled, unopened mail, overdue notices for bills, and obvious signs of memory problems.
This often spurs the realization that it’s time to have a serious discussion about the safety and well-being of aging parents. In fact, Holly Hall, senior marketing director for Meadows says, “We get a large number of inquiries from family members early in the year. In most cases, the families were together over the holidays which provided a good opportunity for children to discuss the changes in their parents and start on the next step.” The next step may be fairly simple like hiring a cleaning service or installing grab bars in their bathroom, or may require decisions about transitioning to a different living arrangement.
Even if your parents are healthy and perfectly capable of living independently, it’s smart to begin the discussion now about what might be needed in the future in the event that their situation changes. Do not wait for a crisis to occur as you will then need to make hasty decisions and your choices will be limited. Following are some suggestions for families as they begin to discuss senior care decisions.
- Begin to educate yourself about the various senior living options available. There is a wide range of choices to accommodate every situation, from independent apartments or condos, to full-time care. If possible, go with your parents to tour different senior living communities. Have a sense of fun and excitement for planning this next stage of their life — kind of like when you were visiting college campuses to decide where you might want to attend college.
- Make a list of topics that you’d like to discuss such as their financial situation, if they have long-term care insurance, how they feel about moving, etc. They may welcome your input and help, or they may be unwilling to even consider that anything will ever happen to them. It’s helpful to know if they’ve been considering a move on their own, or if they are very resistant to any change.
- Find out where they keep important documents like medical records, marriage licenses, power of attorney documents, living wills, etc. Be sure to help them understand that you don’t want to “take over,” but you need to know in the event that something should happen. You might want to start out by bringing up a friend’s experience. “When Jane’s mom had her stroke, no one in their family knew where the important stuff was and it made it really hard for them to get her mom the help she needed. I want to be sure that if something unexpected happens to you, we at least know where to find the information we need.”
- If you have concerns about their current health and ability to live independently, try not to come across as judgmental or threatening. You don’t want them to feel like their children are ganging up on them and telling them what to do. State your observations and be cognizant about allowing them to be in control and be part of the decision making process. For example, “Mom, I’m really scared that you’re going to fall and I know it must be really hard for you to ask for help. What can we do?” Instead of, “You’ve got so much clutter around here, I’m surprised you haven’t already broken a leg going down those stairs.”
Realize that a single conversation is just the beginning of what should be an on-going discussion. But the sooner you “plant the seed,” the easier it will be for everyone if and when the time comes that your parents are no longer able to live on their own.
If you would like information about senior living at Meadows or Meadows at Mercy Creek, or to schedule a tour, you may contact Holly Hall at 309-268-1501. Meadows is located at 24588 Church Street in Chenoa. Meadows is a continuing care retirement community offering independent living, independent living PLUS, memory care, rehabilitation care, and skilled nursing care services. Meadows at Mercy Creek is located at 1501 Mercy Creek Drive in Normal. Meadows at Mercy Creek is currently placing interested seniors on a future residency wait list. The community offers independent living and licensed assisted living.
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