Luther Oaks and Healthy Cells Magazine® are proud to bring you the fifth article in a series from noted author, speaker, and consultant Randalynn Kaye. These articles are designed to help adult children and their senior parents navigate the emotionally charged process of making a lifestyle change as they transition from one stage of life to the next.
Once the realization is made that a change of lifestyle is necessary, you need to begin exploring the options. We’ve been discussing those options over the last several months. It’s important to consider the emotional side of starting your research. One of the most challenging aspects of the research and decision-making process is often the mindset of the older adult. I’ve seen adult children beside themselves with frustration because mom or dad refuses to even discuss making a change. When I present to a large group, I know there are at least a handful of people in the audience that have been reluctantly dragged to the “Lunch and Learn” by their spouse or family member.
Take a look at the picture below.
Do you see an old man with long hair and a grizzly beard or two young lovers kissing under an arbor? Whichever you see depends on your perspective.
It is the same when a person approaches this research. Some individuals will be close-minded, negative, and reluctant at best. Others will be more open and enjoy the learning and exploration process.
Mr. Valle was an engineer who was educated in the United States, spent most of his life building hydroelectric dams in his native Bolivia, and returned to America for retirement. He had a very large family, and when it was time for him to make a change, his daughter, Maria, led the research and organized a family visit to my community.
When all 10 of them showed up, one of Mr. Valle’s sons walked right up to me and defiantly exclaimed, “My father isn’t going to live in some old folks home!” I assured him I didn’t want that for his father either and encouraged him to temporarily suspend his assumptions until he’d finished the tour. Forty-five minutes later, the whole family—including the fiery son—was buzzing about which apartment he should have, how to arrange the furniture, and how much he was going to enjoy all the activities. Talk about a 180!
The point of this story is that senior housing as a whole has shifted considerably more toward the hospitality industry and away from the old “medical models” many people still picture in their minds, and this trend will only continue. However, some older adults (and even their children) are stuck in the old paradigm of the “old folks home,” usually a lonely, dreary 1950s version of a nursing home that no one would want to live in!
To get someone out of this old paradigm, they need to see, feel, touch, and experience the options available to them. If you’re dealing with someone who needs a paradigm shift, start with the least-threatening step. Go out and gather some collateral materials, look at websites, ask some non-threatening, open-ended questions to begin a dialog. Approaching the research process with an open mind will have a major impact on your ultimate success.
Randalynn Kaye has worked with and counseled hundreds of people searching for various senior lifestyle options. She is actively involved with the American Association of Homes and Services for the Aging and Life Services Network as well as the Assisted Living Federation of America. She is regularly interviewed for her expertise on issues facing today’s seniors and their families and has been featured as a senior specialist in major media.
If you would like a tour of Luther Oaks, including a complimentary lunch, please call one of their Marketing Services Counselors, Karen Coughlin or Elizabeth Jannusch, at 309-557-8000.