By Tim Shannon, PsyD, OSF Medical Group
All parents want what is best for their child. But not every parent knows how to properly handle temper tantrums, set healthy limits, manage power struggles, and discipline their child with love. Common reactions to a misbehaving child may be yelling, spanking, or negotiating, but these negative reactions simply encourage bad, attention-seeking behaviors. So how does a parent discipline their child in a way to promote healthy habits?
It’s not easy to discipline your child. However, the 1-2-3 Magic Parenting program offers an effective and positive way to discipline children, and it is easy to learn and enforce. Not only does this program help change your child’s behavior, but also your behavior as a parent, which makes the program exceptionally effective.
How it Works
You guessed it; the 1-2-3 Magic Parenting program is as easy as 1-2-3! Developed by Dr. Thomas Phelan in 1986, the major component behind this behavioral program is counting to three. Here is how it works:
• When a child acts out, the parent calmly says, “One,” and goes back to their business. If the behavior stops, then so does the counting.
• If the behavior continues, the parent calmly states, “Two.” Stop the counting if the behavior stops.
• If the behavior continues, the parent will then calmly say, “That’s three,” and the child is politely asked to go to their room for a 15-minute timeout.
If the child is quiet, the door to their room may remain open. If the child is throwing a loud temper tantrum, the door should be shut. Once the 15-minutes are up, the parent will tell the child the timeout is over, and they are excused from their room.
If the child refuses to go to their room for their 15-minute timeout, the parent will remove one thing from the child’s room and lock it up. This item can be a favorite toy, game, or even their bed pillow. The child then has a choice to earn their item back by taking the timeout, or continue the behavior and lose the item forever. This shows the parent is in charge of the rules of the house, and the children are in charge of their own behavior.
Now, there are some automatic three’s, where counting to one and two are skipped altogether. This is for the parents to determine and set the house rules, but some popular automatic three’s may include kicking, biting, hitting, or cussing. If a child commits one of these behaviors, they are asked to go to their room for a 15-minute timeout without counting first.
Consistency is Key
Parents must be consistent with this program, and there must also be a clear understanding of the house rules among parents and children in order to yield effective results. The idea behind this program is teaching children how to be in control of their own behavior, so parents are not micromanaging their child’s behavior.
Another key component is to remain calm and never yell. When parents yell, it tends to escalate the already tense situation. Remaining calm will help de-escalate the situation, which in return calms the child and creates a positive environment.
This program has helped countless parents regain control of their children, their family, and their lives. Keep the peace, and change both of your behaviors for the better.
Dr. Tim Shannon, PsyD, is a licensed clinical psychologist with OSF Medical Group – Behavioral Health. Dr. Shannon received his doctorate from the Forest Institute of Professional Psychology and has been practicing psychology for more than 25 years. Located at 405 Kays Drive in Normal, OSF Behavioral Health provides a wide-range of outpatient-based counseling services. To schedule an appointment or to learn more about OSF Behavioral Health, please visit osfmedicalgroup.org or call 309-664-3130.