Depression is a serious medical illness that affects approximately 10 percent of American adults from all walks of life. It is the leading cause of disability, and can significantly interfere with a person’s behavior, physical health, and interaction with others. Depression afflicts more people than cancer and coronary heart disease, and is the number one contributor to suicide. However, less than half of those diagnosed actually seek help, and countless others are undiagnosed.
With these facts in mind, it is very likely that you know someone who suffers from depression; and if the person is a close friend or a loved one, you may wonder what you can do to help. In trying to help, it is all too easy to say things that are completely wrong. Following are some common things that you should not say to a person who is depressed.
- “Get over it,” “Snap out of it,”or “Just deal with it.” Depression is not something that people can just “shake off.” They are dealing with it every single day, and it’s often a struggle to just make it through the day. While you are trying to be encouraging, words like these make the person feel like their condition is simply a temporary mood swing. Depression doesn’t just go away, and if a person could snap out of it, they most certainly would.
- “It could be a lot worse.” While we think that this is putting the disease in perspective, by pointing out that it would be worse to have cancer or a loved one die — a statement like this indicates that you think depression isn’t really very serious.
- “Let’s go out and have a drink,” or “You need to loosen up and have some fun!”. Alcohol is not a way to deal with depression. In fact, it is all too easy for drinking to turn into an addiction. A key symptom of depression is a lack of interest in activities that were once enjoyable. Instead, let the person know that you miss spending time with them, and invite them out for lunch.
- “What are you sad about?” Depression isn’t usually caused by a certain event or circumstance. It is far more complicated than just feeling sad. Oftentimes, depression is manifested in irritability, anger, fatigue, or just not caring about anything. Depressed people don’t know why they feel the way they feel.
- “You’ll be fine,” or “Things will be better tomorrow.” This is usually said to give people hope, but it actually makes them feel like a big failure because they probably won’t feel better the next day, or the next week.
- “You should try ________” (fill in the blank) exercise, meditation, acupuncture, eliminating sugar, taking a fish oil supplement, etc. We tend to want to “fix” problems, so it’s easy to offer advice. While it is true that exercise and healthy eating can help combat depression, these are not “cures.” And someone struggling with depression doesn’t need people telling them what they “should” do. They often have barely enough energy to get out of bed, much less exercise or cook healthy meals. It is much more helpful to take a walk with them, or bring over some healthy meals.
- “I know what you are going through.” You actually don’t know what the person is going through. Even if you have suffered from depression yourself, everyone experiences it differently. Saying this downplays their feelings, and implies that their feelings are the same as yours.
What can you do? Just be there. Let your friend or loved one know that you love and value them, no matter what. While it may seem like they want to be alone, people struggling with depression need people to reach out to them and spend time with them. Words that are helpful include: “I’m here for you anytime,” “I’m sorry you are hurting,” “What can I do to help?” “Take one day at a time,”or “I can’t imagine what you are going through, but I will try to understand.”
The most important thing you can do is encourage the person to get professional help, if they have not yet done so. A mental health professional can make sure that symptoms are caused by depression, and not some other medical condition. A combination of talk therapy and medication is the most common course of action to relieve symptoms. Make sure your loved one is aware of Transcranial Magnetic Stimulation (TMS), a new treatment for depression for people who don’t find relief through traditional treatments. TMS does not involve any type of drugs or medication, and has been demonstrated to be safe and effective — with very few side effects.
For more information on mental illness, TMS Therapy for depression, or Quotient Testing for ADHD diagnosis, please contact Anjum Bashir, MD at 309-808-2326 or 217-422-0027. He is one of the few physicians in Central Illinois offering TMS Therapy and Quotient Testing. His Bloomington office is located at 205 N. Williamsburg, Suite D; and he also has an office in Decatur.
Photo credit: Cathy Yeulet/iStock