By Russell Schwartz MS, RN, LNHA, Meadows at Mercy Creek
In her classic book On Death and Dying, Elisabeth Kübler-Ross identified five stages of grief. As people are confronted with their own death or the death of a loved one, they move through denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. The order, severity, and duration of the stages can be different for each person. Stages can also be revisited, and people can become stuck in a particular stage.
Death is not the only cause of grief. A diagnosis of dementia, such as Alzheimer’s disease, is accompanied by a very real and significant loss to the afflicted person, as well as his or her family and friends. Because dementia is a progressive disease, the experience of loss, and the associated grief, comes in waves as new or more severe impairments in memory, reasoning, and motor skills occur. A family member may reach acceptance in the grieving process only to face depression and anger all over again when their loved one becomes more impaired. For example, a woman may have come to accept the loss of intellectually stimulating conversations with her husband but suffers a new loss and enters the grieving process again when he no longer recognizes her as his wife.
Knowing the stages of grief and being aware of the fact we are grieving will not enable us to escape the grieving process, but it can empower us to manage our responses, think more clearly, and interact more effectively with others. Perhaps my mother’s condition really is as bad as my sister and the nurse say it is but I am in the denial stage of grief. Maybe I am arguing with family members and mad at caregivers because I am experiencing the anger stage of grief. Sometimes the mere recognition that we are grieving helps move us toward acceptance and healing.
Although feeling a sense of loss and grieving are to be expected with dementia, we don’t want to get stuck there. On the other side of grief, after acceptance, there is an opportunity to enjoy time with our loved one and focus on what she can do rather than dwelling on what she cannot do. Being happy in the moment, enjoying the company of another person, or making someone smile, does not require remembering what happened the moment before. For family as well as caregivers, we want to make every one of a dementia afflicted person’s connected and unconnected moments as fulfilling and happy as we possibly can. Anticipating, recognizing, and working through grief can contribute to achieving that goal.
If you would like information about senior living at Meadows or Meadows at Mercy Creek, or to schedule a tour, you may contact Holly Hall at 309-268-1501. Meadows is located at 24588 Church Street in Chenoa. Meadows is a continuing care retirement community offering independent living, independent living PLUS, memory care, rehabilitation care and skilled nursing care services. Meadows at Mercy Creek is located at 1501 Mercy Creek Drive in Normal. Meadows at Mercy Creek is currently placing interested seniors on a future residency waitlist. The community offers independent living and licensed assisted living.
Photo credit: Dean Mitchell/iStock