By Dawn Smith, MS, LCPC, Agape Counseling
It’s winter time in Central Illinois and most snow birds have flown south. If you are among the winter survivors, perhaps you are ready for a mental vacation to somewhere warm. Let’s pack our bags and board the plane. Open your eyes because you have just arrived at your tropical destination. Feel your toes in the warm sand and fall asleep with the sun caressing your face. Then, you are rudely awakened to a thunderous boom, rain pelting your face and waves crashing against the shore. In a matter of hours, a storm has blown in and you are running for cover. Isn’t this like the sudden storms of life? How do we handle such chaos? Following are five “survival” tips.
Survival tip 1: Go with the flow.
When the river is rushing, we can choose to go with the flow or fight against the current. With anxiety, there is a tendency to rush to the worst-case scenario and blinding panic. The opposite course of action is to stop fighting and stay in the present. Grab hold of the life preservers of breathing, meditation, mindfulness, or prayer and slow down. Live in the present moment like the birds. “They do not plant seeds or store their food in barns,” but their needs are provided for one day at a time (Matthew 6:26, 34, NLT). To be present, you must take care of yourself. This means basic self-care like adequate sleep, nutrition, exercise, and spiritual devotion.
Survival tip 2: You can’t do it all.
In the crisis, set reasonable expectations for yourself. When my children were young, I considered it a good day if I barely kept up with clean dishes and laundry. Too often, we let our schedules rule us. Instead, make decisions based on your priorities, not out of guilt, obligation, or resentment. Memorize this default response: “let me think about it and get back with you.”
Giving should flow out of a full heart, but sometimes the bucket is empty and needs replenishing. Ecclesiastes 1:1 says, “There is a time for everything, a season for every activity under heaven.” Maybe this is the season that you are not the President of the PTO, but you can volunteer for smaller projects as your schedule allows. Make time for things that refresh you, like reading or getting a manicure.
Survival tip 3: Focus on thankfulness.
Dr. Amen, Psychiatrist at the Amen Clinic in California, says, “Research suggests that focusing on gratitude helps to calm the deep emotional areas of the brain and enhances the judgement centers. When you focus on what you love, your brain works better and you’ll feel better.” I encourage clients to think or journal about five things that they are grateful for daily. Ann Voskamp, author of One Thousand Gifts, says “The whole of life — even the hard — is made up of the minute parts, and if I miss the infinitesimals, I miss the whole. There is a way to live the big of giving thanks in all things. It is this: to give thanks in this one small thing. The moments will add up… Eucharisteo — thanksgiving — always precedes the miracle.”
Survival tip 4: Recognize your value and stop being so critical of yourself.
Looking across the expanse of an ocean or the heights of a mountain, there is an awe of something bigger than yourself. This same Creator who painted the sunset in pink and orange hues whispers, “You are my masterpiece” (Ephesians 2:10a, NLT). Look at the sparrows sweetly singing their melodious song and hear the words, “Not a sparrow falls to the ground without your Father knowing. And the very hairs on your head are all numbered. How much more valuable are you to Him than a whole flock of sparrows?” (Matthew 10:29-31, NLT).
We tend to be too critical and see all the cracks. It is true that we have been dropped and shattered by life, but the Master Artist makes beauty out of brokenness. We can learn something from the Japanese artists who created “Kintsugi art” in the 15th century. “Instead of throwing away the broken pieces of a shattered jar or vase, the pieces are mended back together with gold lacquer” (www.pachamama.org). This inspiring quote from Bryant McGill summarizes this philosophy well, “All beautiful things carry distinctions of imperfection. Your wounds and imperfections are your beauty. Like the broken pottery mended with gold, we are all Kintsugi. Its philosophy and art state that breakage and mending are honest parts of a past which should not be hidden. Your wounds and healing are a part of your history; a part of who you are. Every beautiful thing is damaged. You are that beauty; we all are.” Stop being so hard on yourself and recognize that you have value despite your imperfections.
Survival tip 5: Don’t be afraid to ask for help.
We are taught by our culture that a sign of strength is independence. The truth is that we need each other and should value interdependence. “No man is an island” (John Donne). This was certainly true for our family when my husband had a health crisis. Our family and church community was truly a shelter providing meals, watching our baby and toddler, cleaning our house, and providing many prayers and spiritual encouragement. It was extremely humbling, but a growing experience. Sometimes you will be on the side of the mountain pulling others up. Other times, you will be the one with the hand outreached being pulled up.
In conclusion, it is my hope that these tips will help you weather the storms of life. The storm will eventually stop blowing and move on. You will rebuild and find yourself stronger than you realized.
Dawn Smith, LCPC, is a counselor with Agape Counseling, a group of Christian counselors, social workers, psychologists, and support staff committed to a therapeutic process that ministers to the whole person. Dawn provides individual and group counseling specializing in work with women, trauma issues, individual and family support for individuals with chronic illness and disabilities across the life span, as well as brain-based therapy services. For more information or to schedule an appointment, call 309-663-2229 or visit them online at www.agapecounselors.net. Their Bloomington office is located at 211 N. Veterans Parkway (next to Krispy Kreme). They also have offices in Morton and Peoria.